*This post is specifically related to the ITA? podcast and is rife with references to different episodes, including the use of the name “Karen” to provide a name by which to directly address a person’s mental illness.
Twas the night before Jingletime, the evening was foggy,
Not a creature was stirring, except maybe Oggy;
The chimney shone bright with a nice fiery gleam,
Because Carl the Chimney Sweep’d polished it clean;
Most best friends were nestled all snug in their beds,
While Jingletime carols danced in their heads;
And Chris in his judge wig, Steven in his cap,
Were prepping their mikes for a mental recap;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their chairs to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, they flew like The Flash,
And anxiously peeked through the blinds for the crash.
The moon on the breast of the damp driveway stone,
Gave appearances that they were still all alone.
When suddenly, bright in the sky, was a spell,
Thru a glowing portal came one giant bell,
With a smug little wizard so shrill and so dopey,
They knew in a second this must be Toby!
Then behind him on griffons his rivals they came,
And he giggled and shouted and called them all names;
“Hey Raymond, and Marynn, and Sammy, you losers!
Your Jingletime parties are always such snoozers!
Lo’Ruu can’t rejoice if your bell’s over here,
No thankfullness, gift-giving, or holiday cheer!”
As bros that atop a wild concert crowd surf,
Til they land on a bystander and hit the turf,
So straight for the housetop he flew without stop,
Till a blast from behind took him down with a flop.
And so, with a clanging, the bell hit the ground,
While Toby just vanished til Chris turned around.
As he shook Steven’s sleeve, the two of them jumping,
Thru the chimney came Toby, quite clearly air humping.
He was dressed in a robe, with some crocs and some shorts,
And his head was adorned with a visor of sorts.
A wave of his hand sent our boys into hiding,
As through the window a halfling came riding.
His eyes – how they sparkled! His pimples, how flaring!
His mouth was a smile, though he was still glaring,
His hands were now raised to strike forth a great blow,
Distracting the wizard from a certain shadow.
From Ray’s hands issued lightning but Toby just cackled,
Til from the dark, he was ambushed and tackled.
He felt himself grappled, felt a sword bite,
And looked up at Marynn with laughter and spite.
A wink of his eye and a smirk on his face,
Then he disappeared from the half-orc’s embrace.
Chris and Steven then heard an “ahem”,
And looked round to see Toby right between them.
Steven was startled and swung a fist wildly,
And socked that creep right in his face (not mildly).
Judge Christopher also was shocked at the sight,
And swung forth his gavel with all of his might.
I’m happy to say that despite their self-doubt,
Our boys knocked that wizard all the way out.
The heroes admonished our boys had done great,
Mounted their griffons then cast “Levitate”,
Sending the bell thru the portal with glee,
And Toby too, secure as could be.
Then off went the heroes, back to Lo’Ruu,
And the boys waved at them as onward they flew.
But I heard them exclaim, Ray, Sammy, and Marynn-
“Happy Jingletime to all, and be quiet, Karen!”
A few words about me
Katie is a gentle soul with a snarky side who loves curries, traveling, and cats, is deeply afraid of losing all her friends and/or being lost at sea, and thinks cake is dreadfully overrated as a food item. She aspires to be as good a human being as she can be and to leave the world a little better than how she found it.